The issue to me (and probably others?) is a combination of Voyeurism + Squickiness... this feeling of disgust when you get sexual content that is more than "just a turn off", but actively disgusts you.
Squickiness is fine by itself. There's an attempted rape scene by a biker gang in Death Note Episode 1 that pretty much everyone I know was okay with for example. Remember this guy?
https://deathnote.fandom.com/wiki/Takuo_Shibuimaru . He clearly is pulling the lady's pants down before she escapes and Shibuimaru is hit by a truck. This is "squicky", disgusting material. Everyone hates it, but we "know" the director hates it, we know everyone else watching hates it, etc. etc. So we're good. As long as everyone in the audience is on the same page (and we all get that feeling), its acceptable as a scene. (The scene is about Light "deciding" that humans are worth killing after all, and watching an attempted rape is part of this well written story / character arc)
Similarly, Voyeurism is fine by itself. Even if you're not into whatever fetish is being displayed, you can easily ignore it in most cases. The easiest example here are a myriad of Yuri / Yaoi scenes that pop up in a voyeuristic lens. I'm really not into that, but I'm not disgusted / turning off the TV / walking away when it pops up. DNAngel is perhaps a good example of this, its a Yaoi-bait anime. (Not explicitly Yaoi, but a lot of the poses / shots are kind of "implying" Yaoi). Or Sasuke kissing Naruto early on, etc. etc. It never bothered me one bit, but I'm really not into it. In fact, it doesn't bother most people I know. And sure, Yaoi fangirls are ridiculous but I get it, they're part of the anime audience and these scenes are "for them".
In combination: Voyeurism + Squickiness... things start to get dangerous. Its squicky, so you get this feeling of "something is wrong", and "this is disgusting". But the Voyeurism shots are "in a way that the audience should enjoy it". A recent anime that did this to me was Skeleton Knight. Yes "it was a joke", but the camera is lingering a little bit too long on the tits-and-ass of the poor girl in episode 1 rape scene... and "shot in a way to make the audience enjoy it". Its squicky, but I'm forced to watch through it because the episode is lingering on the subject far too long... so I'm wondering wtf the director is going for. I mean, we know what they're going for and I didn't like it.
The safest bet is to share anime like Spy x Family, FMA: Brotherhood, Promised Neverland, Ranking of Kings, Little Witch Academia, where there's no Squickiness at all and almost no Voyeurism.
Next up the risk is something like Code Geass. It plays with both Squickiness and Voyeurism, but never at the same time. There's plenty of tits-and-ass in Code Geass, and the mounting-position of pilots is vaguely sexualized (not as much as Darling in the Franxx, but its still present in Code Geass). There's also a ton of squicky scenes. I seem to remember one girl masturbating on a table for instance. But it wasn't a Voyeuristic shot, it was a disgusting shot and treated as such. Since Squickiness + Voyeurism never really happened at the same time, its fine. You probably should note that the anime is sexual in nature and make sure people are cool with it (ex: make sure your young kids are out of the room), but its generally enjoyable.
Then come Monogatari, which explicitly are playing with Voyeurism + Squickiness together. These anime have the highest risk of angering the audience. You need to be very familiar with what the audience is good with, since it is trying to find that line and mess with the audience explicitly.
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But here's the thing: anime often is unfairly seen only through this sexual lens. When I try to talk about anime, its about really good shows like Ranking of Kings to my friends. But what are the ones they bring up? Food Wars. No one I know even watches Food Wars, but exploding clothes / orgasmic voyeuristic shots are what people wanna talk about.
The other issue is when people turn a blind eye to it in Western Media. Like, "Its a Wonderful Life" is going to be playing around the country as a classic, 1940s black-and-white Christmas story across this country to be shown to families / kids all around. But people will turn a blind eye to "This is a very interesting situation" where Mary's clothes / robe falls off in the middle of the street... and George bullies her for a bit. Its basically shot-for-shot like a lot of these "clothes fall off" scenes from anime. Or Jim Carrey's "The Grinch" literally faceplants into a woman's breasts, and the camera makes it pretty clear that he's basically motorboating Martha May Whovier (slight exaggeration but... seriously... look up Martha May Whovier from the 2000 film). This is film rated PG for goodness sakes!
(Sorry for the Christmas examples, they're just what I've seen recently, lol)
Anyway, I turn a blind eye to it, in both anime and western media. But I also remember the scenes, because I know its a major turn off to others.
I mean... I get it. We don't wanna be this guy:
But at the same time, this toying-around-with Squickiness is hardly an anime-exclusive idea!
There aren't too many easy tradeoffs with this stuff, though. I salute people who can deal with the loss of interest in pleasure/leisure activities, or just don't experience it.
