However, I feel like times come when I do have to ask myself what this thing is to me, when I don't even like the communities forming around it
That's cause you're getting older, while the communities are getting younger.
There's nothing wrong with not liking the new communities that grow around these cultural phenomenon. I'll never get into Mr. Beast (I tried, my nieces love the dude but I just can't stand the fake faces). Or a lot of lets-plays, or tangentially related to Anime... the Hololive / VTuber stuff. I recognize these cultural phenomenon, but I'm not a fan (and probably never will be).
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I think figuring out entertainment that works with your sexual preferences (or the sexual preferences of your peers) is important. I'm never going to watch Chicago (
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chicago_(musical)) with my mom's religious friends for example... too many burlesque scenes if you know what I'm saying.
Even in the anime world, I get uncomfortable with like... Food Wars, sometimes. I have to be in the right mood. And it really does vary by mood. I was rewatching Dragon Maid for example and it was a bit overly sexualized for me this past month, despite me loving it about 2 years ago. Same story, same anime, but moods shift back and forth. And that's okay. I even remembered most of the sex jokes as they were coming up and could feel the cringe before it happened.
I think what's a bit dangerous about anime is the "tells" for what will be, or won't be, sexualized are difficult to see unless you're inside of anime culture. See Chicago or Rent (or other Broadway musicals), they often show the scandalous clothing on the cover so you know the show will go there. Like, you look at the cover of the Rocky Horror Picture show and you know that fishnet stockings and tight clothing are just on the cover, so you know its coming. Sometimes it feels like it comes out of the blue, like Soul Eater doesn't seem like it'd be overly sexualized on the cover... but then Blair Witch (catgirl) pretty much spends her entire introduction naked in the first arc.
Still, I keep a list of "fanservice-free" anime, for people who aren't into those sex-jokes. Full Metal Alchemist, Promised Neverland, Little Witch Academia are all very tame. There's a bit more fanservice in say, Spy x Family or Ya Boy Kongming!, but its roughly on the same level as a typical Western culture. Ex: Eiko from Ya Boy Kongming has some aggressive costumes, but honestly... I've seen worse on Lady Gaga / other western performers.
Then come like, "deep anime" like Umineko where the bunny-girl maid devils come out to try to kill people, and you know that they're kind of just checking off the list of fetishes for these characters. There's definitely some kind of ongoing joke about trying to "check" as many fetishes onto a singular character as possible. I think its good humor and it works for me, but I get how other people can feel squeamish about it.
Sexual humor comes in many flavors. Its important to know what you're comfortable with, and what you're not comfortable with. Its difficult to communicate though, especially if you're not "into" anime culture. Heck, even if you're "into" it, a lot of these scenes are surprising / shock value and innately unpredictable. Still, there's a lot of shows that avoid this kind of humor that I like to give recommendations to.
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On that note: low-fanservice shows like Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Ya Boy Kongming!, Promised Neverland, and Ranking of Kings are among my favorites of all time.
I'm also a fan of say, When they Cry (which has some fetish bait... but IMO its mostly shock value. I don't think its very titillating and was disappointed in one spinoff that focused on the fanservice). There's also the original Fate/Stay Night which seemed to take a lot of these Fetish-bait designs and wrap a story around it. (Fate/Stay Night was after all, originally an Hentai). I couldn't keep up with the culture of the fans though (Fate/Extra and Fate/Go were "too much waifu" for me). The original was more unique as it actually reverse-engineered a lot of story into these Fetish-bait setups. And I really appreciated that.
A lot of anime watching (and sharing!!) is about accepting these shows for what they are. It doesn't mean forcibly watching it if you don't enjoy it or feel icked out by it. It doesn't mean forcing these things onto others either. Since my tolerance is a bit higher than most others in my social circle, I try to keep tabs on these scenes.
www.nts.live
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