Um, sir, we need to have a chat on what a "chungus" is. That 16" machine is in the same body as a normal 15" ultrabook. It's nowhere near as heavy/thick as options with 3060s. It's also worth pointing out that those machines with 3060s often use plastics construction, not magnesium like business machines.
They also have a 14" model that will likely receive an update for ryzen 7000 once the "u" chips come out.
The 16" starfighter is 1.4kg, or just over 3 lbs. That's less then the 11" plastic chromebooks used in education. That's pretty light. The LG gram is 1.285 kg for the 16" model, and that is one of the lightest laptops out there. Even the 14" gram is still 1.2kg.
I think maybe your requirements are just a little unrealistic. In such small chassis you're not going to find many 28w APUs, all those intel models you pointed out will also be hamstrung by low TDP values. The other thing is if you get a 12-14" thin n light you're likely to end up with a sub 15w intel chip, like the m3 series. Do you guys not have the thinkpad x13? the hp envy x360? thinkbook 13s? thinkpad l13? thinkpad e13? I get not having choice, my ideal 14" machine will likely never exist, but dont you guys get any of the sub 14" AMD laptops? Can you import from the rest of europe?