Its tricky, but in a general sense it is always better and optimal to be able to fit the entire allocation in VRAM. Its certainly NOT better to be unable to do so. The subject was 'no compromise' on smoothness and experience; 8GB is however a compromise in 2023 as multiple games readily exceed that limit in allocation. No hitching might be true but you can still get reduced IQ alongside of that, for example. Bandwidth is another factor that is overlooked here, in your post as well. It is the combination of both that will ultimately determine if a lower capacity is sufficient, or even a very high capacity like 16GB on a 4060ti.
VRAM usage isn't deceptive at all. You either have enough, or you will be compromising one way or another: by slightly lower FPS, higher frametimes/variance, by texture/LOD pop in being slightly more pronounced, etc etc etc. There is no need to overcomplicate this. The only reason cards can get by with lower amounts is because the driver can handle it well - and that's entirely down to a per-game implementation/combo with the game logic and the driver/card you have. Its not proof you have sufficient VRAM for no compromise experiences.
The whole principle of RAM and VRAM is extremely simple. You either have enough, or you have too little, and having too much is of no measureable benefit whatsoever. If you want overkill RAM/VRAM, increase the bandwidth/transfer speed/lower the latency, not the capacity.