Steam Skyrim Contest !!

[Kreij]

Old Uncle Kreij's Steam Skyrim Giveaway!!

This little contest if for those that did not pre-order and can wait until a week
after launch to play Skyrim. Sorry, I should have thought of it sooner but I've been busy. So sue me.

The Contest Rules
- One official entry per person.
- All members of TPU are welcome to participate, including Staff.
- You must have a Steam account to win, so the game can be gifted to you.
- All entries must adhere to the posting guidelines of the forum. Keep it clean.
- Posting comments about other members' entries are allowed as long as they adhere
to the TPU posting guidelines.
- Purposeful posting(s) that do not adhere to the guildelines will get you the same
response from the moderators as in any other thread. You've been warned.

The Contest Details
Each entry must contain :
1) The name of a PC game that you feel is the worst game you've ever played.
2) A humorous rant on why you feel that the game you've chosen it the worst ever.

- The more you use crazed analogies and superfluous, extremely over-the-top verbage,
the better. Exaggerated example of the pain and suffering you experienced are highly
recommended.
- Posting humorous pictures of in-game problems is not prohibited, but will not be
used as judging criteria. Make sure any pictures do not fall outside of the TPU
forum posting guidelines. Please put pictures in spoiler tags.
- Anyone can participate for fun, but if you do not want to win please indicate so
in your post.

Duration
- Any entries that are dated prior to November 19th, will be accepted.

Disclaimers
- This is not an official TPU contest, and by accepting the prize you agree to hold
all members of TPU, it's staff (myself included) harmless for any problems that may
occur from downloading and installing the game from Steam.
- Determination of the winner is decided by me (Kreij), and my decision is final.
- I reserve the right to obtain judging input from anyone I so desire. Anyone
participating in judging WILL NOT be able to win the prize to keep it fair.
- In the event that the person declared the winner cannot accept the prize or does
not want it, another winner will be chosen from the available entries.
- In the event that no one meets the requirements of the contest, I will use the
money to buy beer or something.

Let's have some fun.....

 

[scoutingwraith]

Worst game that i ever played was "Daikatana ". By far the worst game i have ever played. When it was all hyped and i managed to get it i was excited. After i played it though i wanted to personally find John Romero and beat him until it causes Hydrogen Fusion. That game was god damn awful.

Steam name: scoutingwraith

 

[crazyeyesreaper]

Magitech Corps Takeda 3

great premise of a game but soon you will be plagued with headaches not even a woman could dream up.The awesomeness starts when you try to run this 2009 title, it dosent support Vista or Win 7 properly as its running on Open GL 1.5 and the games coding is so old and broken not even using compatibility mode will work. The game has so many interesting features and deep gameplay buts its even more impossible with the UI glitching which results in clicking on anything being impossible, The only way to play this game is to be cross eyed while standing upside down. Lets not forget the difficulty level you finally somehow miraculously get the game to run right on your 500th try, you start to play only to realize you didnt select a Force thats worth a damn, All I can say is good luck because wet paper bag filled with dog snot would make better leaders then the Generals the smaller factions are given. This game is like signing up to have a lobotomy because its what youll need to forget the craptastic over the top brokeness of the game. Should you get by those crippling issues and pick a strong faction your rewarded with a great game, that is untill you decide to control a 3D battle, then you get your arm chair generalness on and pwn the AI only to find when the battles over the UI magically screwed up again with everything displaced like the teeth on a bottom rung hooker. Even then if you somehow make it past that fact your AI Generals will betray you 10 turns in and then kill you The only thing worse then this game is getting tea bagged by PeeWee Herman, and not the imposters the PeeWee that got caught wanking at a porn theater. In fact stabbing yourself in the testicles would be more fun then this, at least then i could enter the BME pain Olympics and become known for how awesome my tolerance for pain is, The developer of this game series should seriously just jump off a cliff and there games buried someplace in a desert like the E.T Atari cartredges of old

 

[FordGT90Concept]

Big Rig: Over the Road Racing

Spoiler: A picture is worth a thousand words

Your eyes don't deceive you. That is, in fact, a three handled trophy.

And I thought it was actually going to compete with Hard Truck II (boy, was I wrong). It is the epitome of EPIC FAIL. So EPIC FAIL, in fact, it sold well because everyone just had to see how EPIC FAIL it was. Yes, it's that EPIC FAIL! And no, I'm not kidding (I wish I were).

YouTube: Mostly Complete Review

And now I am uninstalling it. What a waste of 204 MiB of now-precious HDD space (curse you Thai floods!). XD

 

[theJesus]

I do not wish to be eligible for the prize.

Runescape . . . *shudders* I can't bear to remember the agony and suffering caused by trying to play that atrocious coprolite.

 

[b82rez]

I was going to say Big Rigz myself but it looks like someone has already beaten me to it. Shows just how bad this game really is..

My original entry was going to be "I rather punch myself in the dick until I had a vagina than play Big Rigz again"

 

[theubersmurf]

The worst I ever played was the Atari 2600 E.T. Notorious for being bad, I had actually played this as a kid. And it's an experience, an awful one.

My friend Jake had an Atari and a copy of E.T., I never really liked E.T., but I was always curious why it was so popular. So I would constantly look for the whys in whatever references to it I came across. I thought "Maybe I just don't understand it." I was, after all, 9 years old when E.T. came out. So I gave it it's chance to vindicate E.T. to me. This is one of those instances in which being open-minded sh@t in my mouth.

So one day I'm over at Jake's house, and I see the game, and I ask him. "Can I try that" He really doesn't want me to. Tells me it's terrible, tries to dissuade me repeatedly, but I'm insistent. He was a friend of mine, and probably didn't want to deny me trying out a game, so he let me. God I wish he'd tried harder. Or punched me in the face, or nuts, something to prevent me from playing this demonic turd of a game. This game was tedious to the point of being a kind of torture. The only action in the game is walking around looking for...something...I can't recall what it was because even though there have been articles and videos about this game that tell you the objective of the game, the mere mention of it takes me back to the horror that is E.T. the video game. My mind goes fuzzy and I recall...

There is no apparent objective, there is no story, there is no tutorial to help you understand what to do or how to do it. What there is, is holes. Holes in the ground you fall into and have to ssslllllloooowwwlllllllyyyyyy levitate yourself out of so that you can fall in another hole. Invariably a moment later. Since there is nothing but holes in the ground. One screen the same as another, you'll eventually go into the holes, looking for...anything to break up the tedium. No, you're just in a hole you have to sssllllooooowwwwlllllyyyy levitate yourself out of. It's tedium on top of tedium. Kind of like a triple decker sh!t sandwich to a kid.

If you are a sane person, You'll abandon this game part way through because of the tedium of it. I think I started to convulse after a point with this game. I remember the sound ch-ch-ch coming out of my mouth and Jake telling me we should go do something else. It's amazing that I still like video games after that experience.

 

[lilhasselhoffer]

Riven

A "spiritual sequel" to the myst series? Perhaps the game could be better titled as a spiritual successor to moon logic adventure games of the past.


To begin, this sucker came on 4 CDs. At the time, my hard drive space was a whopping 20 GB, and this thing took up nearly 4 GB when unpacked. To put it bluntly, the game stole more HDD space than my OS at the time.

Moving on from the space hogging aspect, you've got the visuals. They were good for the time, but that statement is more loaded than an NFL player running from the cops. Is that blob of pixels worth clicking on, a hamburger, or an instant death trap? Who really knows until you've done it. Of course, randomly clicking on everything on screen was a choice punished as often as it was rewarded.

Speaking of instant death, everyone that believes instant death in a point-an-click-adventure should be beaten, eviscerated, and then strangled with their own intestines. One random click, and you were dead. There was no warning in most cases, and when there was warning it usually meant you would instantly die unless holding the right glob of donkey secretions on the right day at the right time. Those wanrings were also neon lights saying you'll need ro activate this to continue on with the story, despite the warnings. This was the first time that I could honestly imagine punching my computer screen...

Now all of these complaints assume you can figure out what is going on, which is a huge assumption. It took me half an hour of randomly clicking on the first screen to figure out what was happening, and how to leave the first room. Half an hour, and I still only just understood how to leave a room... I could say that I was angry, but that would be the same kind of misnomer as describing a ghost pepper as "kind of spicy."

Rage boiling my blood, all I had to console me was the music of the game. I would have been better blasting polka music with Bjorn singing along. Horribly screechy whines, tunes that repeated after six seconds, and unique sounds that were either variations on a fart or a cat meeting Mr. Blender... After the first ten minutes I wished that my testacles would ascend and block my ear cannals, given that would be less painful than continuing to listen to this crappy sound track.

Now let's cover the bread-and butter of adventure games, the inventory screen. I would be afraid to buy drugs from whoever sold the coders their supply, something that strong could kill you from the contact high. Inventory screens for each type of item, items that could randomly be equipped, and a handful of completely useless items that took up inventory space. It was kind of like Mouse Trap, with a dozen items that couldn't be used catch the mouse, which were nearly exact copies of useful items. How you could tell the difference is still well beyond me.

Finally, we come to the pay-off. Adventure games usually have bizarre stories, bookended by proposterously convoluted scenarios. These games were often like purchasing a Rubiks cube that would open up and release candy when solved. On the other hand, Riven was like buying a hooker in a dark alley. You wound up with way more baggage than you thought, a series of diseased content that might well force you to succumb to it, and an ending that came out of nowhere and left you with the biggest case of plot hole blue balls ever.


For the money, you could have purchased either Doom or Wolfenstein. Both of these games put out in both the story line and action elements better than Riven, had sound tracks that were tolerable, and looked just as pretty. If you spent any money on Riven it was too much. For my time and money, assuming a hefty dose of penicilin is available, you know what I would have preferred.

 

[garyinhere]

The more you use crazed analogies and superfluous, extremely over-the-top verbage,
the better.

I deem this contest unfair... it is clearly made for crazyeyesreaper to win... :shadedshu

 

[Kreij]

I deem this contest unfair... it is clearly made for crazyeyesreaper to win... :shadedshu

I thought of you while creating this contest, gary, but I honestly couldn't come up with a single thing that you are any good at. lol

Give it a shot everyone. You're all half batpoop crazy anyway.

 

[brandonwh64]

Game - Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing

Reason - This is by far the worse game ever in existance! The game comes with shitty detail, No boundary's, and even worse NO SOUND! So astoundingly bad that it manages to transcend nearly every boundary put forth by some of gaming's absolute worst of the worst and easily makes it into that dubiously extraordinary category of being one of the most atrocious games ever published. If you hate someone, and I mean HATE someone, give them this game as a gift, in the hopes that they’ll play it, because that way you can say to them, “haha, you’re an idiot who plays Big Rigs!” I wish I could think of some redeeming factors for the game, but there simply aren’t any. Imagine a game that would make "Smokey and the Bandit" look like Gilbert and Sullivan. I know it's difficult to imagine but Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing is so pathetic it makes a sandpaper-and-vinegar enema sound positively delightful. Not that I would know.

*EDIT*
I know FordGT90Concept and b82rez posted same game as his worst but I have to agree and put my own opinion in here about it

 

[Kreij]

Game : Dungeon Lords (Initial Release)

Some games raise the bar of game design and excellence. Some meet the standard, while others don't try and just run under the bar. Dungeon Lords did none of these. It lowered the bar until it was laying in the dirt and then proceeded to mimic a fetid, pus oozing mole and tunneled under it. To call this game a tower of suck would have been elevating it to a level it didn't deserve.

The game was missing features and had some problems, but that may be nit-picking.

• Do you really need an in-game map in an RPG? Isn't wandering around having no idea where to go, or where anything is at, or what direction you're facing part of the hallowed bliss of exploring? Just because all of the models and textures look the same doesn't really justify the work required to make a map.
• Do you really lose immersion just because in most of the towns there was nothing in the buildings … like people … or furniture of any kind? Could it be that they purposefully left out the map in hopes you wouldn't find anything and realize that there was nothing interesting put in the game?
• Don't you really find it kind of humorous that entrances to areas would throw you backward instead of allowing you inside? Perhaps because there was nothing in there anyway.
• Is it really that frustrating that half the time the NPCs, that were supposed to be following you, were stuck in trees? I'm pretty sure that accurate path finding and good AI is highly overrated.
• Doesn't having items simply vanish from your inventory just make the game more of a challenge? Aw, hell, I didn't really need that magical broadsword anyway … I still have the rusty dagger I started with at the beginning of the game.
• Does it really matter if buttons on the interface do anything … at all? Can't we all just marvel at how nice they look and their placement on the screen, even if clicking on them does absolutely nothing?
• Was having to restart the game, because I chose a skill at level one that stopped the interface from working because there was no skill to pick at level three, all that inconvenient? Maybe it was that I was trying to advance the rather complex character class of “fighter”.
• Is it all that bad that after casting spells and draining all your mana as an "adept", your melee ability stopped working too? I called it the death stance because your odds of dying at this point were right around 100%.

In the few hours I actually spent trying to play this game, I realized that it would be infinitely more fun to be gagged and bound, sitting in my own feces while watching someone light my feet on fire.
Some of the reviews said that the dungeons were the best part. Unfortunately I was never able to keep this miserable abomination running long enough to get to one. This bottomless cesspool of coding effluent was barely ready for alpha let alone a general public release … and I say that in the kindest way possible.

In short, Dungeon Lords had managed to do the seemingly impossible … it lowered the bar of game quality so far that it made other horrific games seem like a Godsend by comparison.

 

[Wrigleyvillain]

Hah! I know of Big Rigs from some Worst Games Ever list.

I'd participate but I can't wait a week to play!

And great contest idea. These are an interesting history of suck and also hilarious!

 

[brandonwh64]

Hah! I know of Big Rigs from some Worst Games Ever list.

I'd participate but I can't wait a week to play!

And great contest idea. These are an interesting history of suck and also hilarious!

To beat it all! I STILL HAVE THE GAME INSTALLED!!!!

 

[Kreij]

I'd participate but I can't wait a week to play!

So enter just for fun. We all enjoy a good laugh when someone thoroughly trashes a game they hated.

Remember people, your entry must refer to a PC game as the rules state, if you wish to compete.
If you do not want to win the prize, and are entering just for fun, you can post about any game on any platform.
You can post more than once about PC games, as long as you indicate which is your official entry, as only one entry will count. If you have more than one post on PC games and do not indicate which is your official entry, you will be disqualified.

 

[Wrigleyvillain]

To beat it all! I STILL HAVE THE GAME INSTALLED!!!!

Oh...wow. LMAO!

The worst I ever played was the Atari 2600 E.T. Notorious for being bad

You are too kind. This game is notorious for being the worst of all time and the shining example of the type of crap the market was flooded with then leading to the Video Game Crash of 1983.

I hope the scars from having played it as a child have begun to heal a bit almost 30 years later.

 

[brandonwh64]

Oh...wow. LMAO!

YEP...

 

[Marineborn]

Sacred2....this game...oh this game.....so i was like SUPER SWEET Diabloesque game to give me something to do. so i buy it, and it doesnt work so for 3 days i scour the internet find random fixes, and random shit to try to make this shitty game work and i fiannly get it working SUPER SWEET!!! then i make a account, play a little get bored quit, next day i go to play, my account password wont work, so im like okay call the company they tell me they cant get my account back cause the company that makes it doesnt exsist anymore, im like WTF did i just pay for!! so luckily i had another cd key laying arund for it so i used that
so i start playing and theres like no way to follow the story there is just random quests everywhere, it doesnt make sense you just wander around amlessly and hit things with sticks, the classes are awefull, SO STUPID!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i

 

[DannibusX]

The worst PC game I have ever played.

CoD: Modern Warfare 2

I expected much, much more from this title. I was really excited for it and even pre ordered it for 2 separate platforms (PC and Xbox). What I got on release was one of the most imbalanced and broken games I can remember in recent times (aside from the Dead Island - Xbox Dev Preload incident).

Infinity Ward came out and said there wouldn't need to be a beta, because they know how to make a game that works. That IWNet was the next great step in online gaming and that MW2 will use Steamworks and VAC (which actually is good.) They were warned about using VAC as the anti-cheat with a lack of dedicated servers or a vote to kick option.

The turd sandwich they released didn't only let me down. It let me down twice. I prefer to play my games on my PC so I bought it for that, and I play over XBL with my real life friends. What I found in both was several game breaking bugs like the javelin glitch, care package sprint 'n stab glitch. On the PC side I got to see hackers run amok, get VAC banned and then find a way around that very VAC ban. On the Xbox side I was treated to not being able to use the party chat system to drown out the 12 years olds who called me racist names and had tons of sex with my mother.

Then there were the "features" like grenade launchers for every gun, Scavenger picking up spare grenade rounds and claymore mines. Every time I walked around a corner I caught a grenade round to the chest. I was extremely displeased. Then you had the Nuke rampers who had to ruin as many games as they could.

Most of the issues were indeed patched, but not for a couple of months because every employee at Infinity Ward went on vacation for three weeks following the release of MW2.

Seriously. F**k that game.

 

[Wrigleyvillain]

F**k that whole franchise.

 

[Kreij]

I forgot to add that there is no exclusivity in this contest.
If someone else has posted an entry about a game you hated, you are welcome to make an entry about the same game with your own diatribe.

 

[yogurt_21]

I was having a hard time figuring out the worst game I've played until I saw the post on riven. And now as random and as crappy as it was it was still a beatable game that you could give an explanation to the randomness as it was a world designed by a crazy man. So that at least made some sense.


But Really Myst IV takes the cake for me. It is a game so bad that Myst V sits in an unopened (read never to be opened) package because of it. Now the game starts off all nice with a new storyline and a new camera gizmo, only it gives no indication of why the hell you need it. Oh well cool camera. now enter the original villians from Myst. Nice touch...if you actually had any real interaction with them.

but hey cameos are all the rage right? We'll lets enter their prison worlds and see what's up.


Ok wandering, wandering, wondering why the F I'm here. At first glance there seems to be no known way to progress and After a bit you leave one to go check out the other.

So apparently on one prison there was an area where a big cat like creature chases you and you have to call monkeys to throw crap at it. Sounds fun right? We'll it just happened to be impossible because how you call the monkeys was with a manually cranked horn and how long you crank it changes the tone. each monkey had a different tone and the window of time to call the correct monkey sequence to progress was impossibly short and monkeys would revert back to their initial positions.

WHY THE F WOULD YOU DESIGN THIS?

the game devs must have all gotten together and said "alright it's the 4th one, it' time to up the impossibility ante. Now how can we torture the users so badly that they wish they were never born?"

At any rate after the big cat thing you find this special little chair. Now what would you do with a chair? Most people would sit in it and get up. No see you apparently needed to stroke this snake like looking thing wrapped around the arm of the chair 4 times to get it to move so you can progress. Now there is no indicator that you need to interact with this thing whatsoever. In fact how you would even figure out to stroke (rather drag as you would a file) this thing is one of those mysteries that keeps me up at night. Then to know to do it 4 times is like "wow, so the game devs built a game only they would know how to beat."

needless to say I left the chair and went back to the base world because who the F would know to do that? I mean to figure that out you must have to be an uber pervert stroking everything on the map until you randomly do it on an object that interacts that way.

Apparently I should have been stopped hear because you shouldn't be able to progress, no i find a book in the base world and it leads me to another random puzzle filled world. At this point I had given up and started to look online, I found out all about the damned chair and that there was another thing you had to stroke in this world....


Seriously game devs, get a hooker or something and stop trying to torture me.


anyway you get to this door which has a random set of colors you were supposed to memorize from another impossible puzzle that takes place in a dream world....

so I'm in a dream where I can enter the world of specially designed books, am in one of those books, in another dream?

Right....

Anyway I had no reason to write down the order of colors from that earlier puzzle and was stuck. get this there is no "the order is" cheat for this, the order of the colors was specific to your game and you must go back to that earlier save to fix the issue.

F'ing brilliant.

At this point I quit.

Several months later out of pure boredom I go back to the save, write down the order, and get into the room. Only to find a possessed little girl you have no idea is possessed and upon freeing here, I lost the game.

You see you were supposed to leave the good little girl strapped down and listen to the other villain in the room because the other villain was inside the girls mind and has taken control. And you need to listen to that villain so you can enter that dream world too and go through another set of torturous and arduous puzzles just to get a random happy ending.

F that!

I've never bothered to finish the game and I never will. The puzzles make zero sense, the plot makes zero sense, the graphics aren't that spectacular, and there is literally zero character development.

There is nothing redeeming about this game other than it's torture properties that will likely yield far more information that water boarding, the rack, whipping, starvation, electric shock, or 100,000 paper cuts ever could.

This game isn't worth the time it takes to destroy it. Seriously.

I liked Myst, hated Riven, liked Myst III, so if I fought through riven you'd think I could muscle through this one to see what myst V was all about. But I just can't Myst IV has to be the worst game I've ever played bar none. There wasn't a single redeeming quality about it. not one.

 

[qubit]

Angry f* Birds!

Angry Birds on Fa$ebook. Yeah, you bloody well heard that right. WTF is it so damned popular? Everywhere I go there's something on it, in the supermarket, on my mobile phone, heck even the sodding train station! I just can't get away from it. Aarrgghh!!!

I hate that game. I really hate that game. It's such a f* crap POS, even crappier than a Lada or an Apple Mac! Big time waster. It's only fit for 3 year olds. All those lame-ass tweety things and sh*t you do on lame-ass Facebook and your friends then play it too and go all "ooh" & "ahhh" soppy over it, sharing the "experience" with you. So f* gay. :shadedshu GTFO NOW!!

I know it's sh*t and I haven't even played it and I DON'T BLOODY HAVE TO so get this crap outta my sight NOW!!!

Anyone on here admit to playing it I'll get you PERMABANNED!!! And that includes the likes of Kreij*, erocker and yeah, even W1zz, no one's safe. I'll ban the whole bloody forum! Muhahahaha!!!

*This compo don't get you off the hook, matey.

 

[brandonwh64]

I play it on my droid when I am at the doctors office or something..

 

[qubit]

I play it on my droid when I am at the doctors office or something..

http://memebase.com/wp-content/themes/vip/cheezcommon2/ragecomic/packs/troll/images/Troll.png

Right that's it you're gone! qubit's increasing blood pressure

Note from Kreij : When Q's head explodes watch out for angry bird-brain shrapnel.