As for the mood swings...that's something to see a psychologist about. :|
Oh trust me, I spent a lot of time/energy barking up that tree. The reality is they both could use that... looking back, it was all a mess. Kinda glad it's not my problem anymore, which is sad. I feel bad for him... mommy has some serious issues and she doesn't see how it has already affected him. Most kids begin to become socialized by that age, but he was still 2, in terms of emotions and his way of expressing them. He was stuck in that 2-year-old-monster phase, complete with insane outbursts. Somewhere in there is a normal boy, but nobody in his life is helping him get there. Just no emotional scaffolding. I don't think he's had any help or guidance dealing with that. I tried to be the example - just in my day to day, when I knew he was watching me get stuck on a problem, I would stay calm/optimistic and ultimately solve it with no fanfare. That, or let it go and move on. I made sure never to be seen lashing out or arguing. I remember that making an impact on him that kind of surprised me. He would see that and start mimicking it like it was the coolest thing he'd ever seen. Just thought seeing someone act in control shouldn't have been new to him at that point. We're all adults, right? Or so I thought...
When he'd get off of the rails like that I'd approach him calmly, pause the game, get down on his level (physically,) and try to get him to explain why he's upset. Sometimes that took some time - humor seemed to work best - I had to always be coming up with new ways to make him smile. But often I would also just have to wait it out until he's ready to talk. It was like he thought I was going to yell at him - quick to shut-out and hop on the defense, even though I never approached him that way - I think that was just what his experiences with his real dad taught him. I would be stern when he got out of hand - I had ways of letting him know what wasn't acceptable. You want my attention, I'm here, but we are not adversaries and I refused to go down that road. "That's not how we deal with things here. Let me know when you want to talk." "ARGHHH!!!! OKAYYYY!" It's the hardest thing in the world to stay calm when they start shooting all of these powerful, unrestrained emotions right through your eardrums, but you cannot let that break you. Sometimes you have to calmly step away. A few minutes pass before he sees he's getting nowhere and he wants to talk... perhaps he's realized that he doesn't like how he feels or what the situation is. Once I got him talking calmly, we'd figure it out and then I'd show him, calmly, how to solve it and make it a fun challenge. Try to get him reaching for a happy outcome. "What's that all about? What do you suppose that does? Don't you want to see?" Or if not, show him it doesn't matter and get him taking the energy out in a healthier way. Just ask him what he wants to do. "Hey, why don't we do something fun?! What would you like to do for fun?" And if it's a good choice, follow through so he can see how that all works. There's a million ways to have fun when you're that age! A lot of it comes down to how up for it you are, physically
Most times, he'd rather be running around and tussling, or playing with boys his age, than be stuck in the house getting mad at games.
Often, THAT was all he needed. Can't imagine what kind of life he'd had where that kind of fatherly attention was a new thing to him. Mean, detached father with a broken, abusive relationship on display for his son to see and absorb. Emotionally-unstable, often either cold or smothering mother, confusing him day by day. They'll both discipline him for acting just like they do and then wonder why he resents them. It's like nobody ever tried to help him make sense of his emotions and integrate them into healthy behavior, probably because they don't know how either. :/ It was more like "UGH. Why does he act like that? I don't know... just give him something." Which... the resentment in that always got me. How do you not care enough about your own son to look into why? With her around, he would throw tantrums, while if it was me and him, he was always happy, cheerful, and compliant. Come to think of it... I don't think he ever had a really bad outburst when mom wasn't home. And when he did go off, I was always able to console him and hopefully teach him something about himself.
People say that video games aren't a problem for children and I'd tend to agree, but in the absence of active, involved parenting, things can definitely spiral there as easily as they can with anything else. I have seen it for myself. And I know what it takes to get past it. You can't just believe they'll figure it out and that what you taught them will carry over to games. You have to be involved in the whole learning process yourself.
Actually, that's basically every parent complaining that games are ruining their kids, isn't it? Just leaving em to it and saying "I just don't understand these new-fangled 'vidya-games'!" Which is a shame because there are a lot of good life learning opportunities there, should you choose to involve yourself and at least somewhat monitor their gaming activities. After a certain age they want to be left alone... and hopefully by then you've been involved enough that they don't need help internalizing things. Some will even pick it up pretty young!
Getting back to the game... not gonna lie, I played it by myself after bedtime - there's something really calming about them
OHHH, Lego Racers and Island, to me that's like Mario Kart and SMB64 is to someone else.
Ughhh... my childhood. I think those were among my first PC games, ever.
