It was the best of games; it was the worst of games.
Welcome to Rookgard of the prominent world of Astera! Here is your torch now go kill rats with your bare hands and bring me their bodies so I may worshi... wash them and make them into jackets... yes jackets.
And so began my questing of killing rats in hopes of ascertaining the coveted level 2. Wait! Look! A level 7 and he wants to teach me how to play. Intrigued, I leave the safety of Rookgard walls into the wild that even Jake Sulley would have cringed at after being in pandora.
EEK spiders are attacking and I only have a torch that does.... 0 damage! Oh no I'm poisoned now! Level 7 character, give me some antidotes please! Level 7? Where are you? The darkness begins to set in; I've been betrayed. My first friend used me as bait against the spiders... To quote Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory, "Why have thou forsaken me God whom I deny the existence of?!"
Suddenly my knight in shining level 7 armor reappears; I'm saved! Only this time he has a dark demeanor about his 2d bird's eye view character. "Pay me and I'll heal you," he states. "But I have no money to pay you, only the gratitude in my heart." Callously, he walks away without saying a word; leaving me to the cold, lonely fate of dying at the hands of spider poison. Lost and far away from my loved ones in town, I embrace the fact that I will be losing 40% of all of my experience gained by slaying rats in a cellar. I lay down, and let life slip away from me...
I am reborn! with no money, torch or experience I vow to never trust another person ever again and stay in a cellar killing rats with my bare hands until I reach the level to escape Rookgard and venture into the main continent of Astera: level 8. After weeks of training, I have attained it and leave the peasant noobs behind being betrayed by that same level 7.
In Astera I am welcomed to a group of level 120 knights who say they'll teach me how to play the main continent. Excited about my level 8 achievement I forget my one solemn oath of never trusting. I was led to a den of spiders, but I was armed with sword and shield and slayed them all. The knights leave my screen but before the third one fades from view he leaves me with a
and vanishes. My battle icon comes up; another spider. Piece of cake. Only this time, it was a giant spider; it one hit killed me: the once proud Randomoxide was killed again by a member of the spider family.
Enraged, my keyboard was split in half by the energy flowing from my body, the screen begins to melt from the heat emanating my once calm face and windows crack from the valkyrie shrieks coming from my throat.
2 and a half years later and approximately 6,000 hours I am a level 52 mage. My task? press F12 every 22.5 minutes then hold the control key and click 3 hams. I was the runeweaver of my guild. Oh no! I'm out of meat; I shall go hunt for meat. Elephants are good sources, I drop to the level where they are and all of the sudden my character freezes in time paralyzed by fear of such a raging beast not wanting to give me 2 meats from its corpse. I try to move but no response: the window closes. Randomoxide was trapped in an interdimensional rift between Tibia's servers and my ISP's beyond sub-par internet connection. I could have mailed the data back and forth faster than Time Warner was sending it. By the time Time Warner decides to give me internet again, Randomoxide was trampled by the elephants, my body looted and I was demoted to level 48.
Tibia in and of itself was the worst game I've ever played simply because I spent so much time to lose so much each time a mistake was made. It was the best game I ever played because it was so addicting I could sit for hours on end just pressing F12 to make another batch of Sudden Death runes to sell to acquire my Boots of Haste (only to have them looted when I died). What are the results of my work? A broken keyboard, whole months of my life gone (at least shared the acct with a friend haha) and my character has since been cleared from the servers just like Arnold Schwarzenegger would 'Erase' someone.
, it smacks you in the face with a console ported piece of crap. Well, that's all I gotta say.
