Komania
New Member
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2011
- Messages
- 12 (0.00/day)
- Location
- Awesometown, Canada
| Processor | Intel Core 2 Quad CPU Q6600 @ 3.0 GHz (OC) |
|---|---|
| Motherboard | Something outdated |
| Cooling | Liquid Cooling |
| Memory | 6076MB DDR3 |
| Video Card(s) | NVIDIA GeForce GTX 460 |
| Storage | 4 x 320GB (RAID 0) |
| Display(s) | Dual 24" LCD Monitors |
| Case | A box of some sort |
| Audio Device(s) | SB Audigy |
| Power Supply | 750W |
| Software | Windows 7 Ultimate x64 |
You're winner!
The worst PC game I have ever played? Well that's an easy one.
The absolute worst game I have ever played, on any console, was Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing. It can't have been that bad can it? Yes, it could. A team of monkeys could have made a game more playable than this. I swear the Russian developers Stellar Stone carefully engineered this game in the Cold War as a secret weapon of mass destruction to incapacitate America's youth, rendering them completely insane. I was lucky, I was discovered three weeks later in fetal position rolling in my own urine after playing this "game" for a mere 20 minutes. This isn't just a game, it's am embodiment of pure evil.
So why is this game so bad? Well to call it a game is a stretch. On the box it shows colorful picture of a truck, obviously being possessed by some kind of speed demon, speeding away from a cop attempting to body slam the truck. AWESOME! Oh wait, it would be, if the box wasn't a steaming pile of LIES. So let's delve into the actual gameplay. Upon starting up the game you are greeted by a menu and some music, which sounds like Donald Duck having some kind of seizure listening to techno music. Go to map selection, and pick one of the five maps. Oh wait, only four maps. the fifth one apparent blows up your computer. I wish that I was fortunate enough to have clicked that map the first time... it would have saved me from the lasting mental scars this game gave me.
Now onto the actual gameplay! You start out in your shoddy truck, next to another shoddy truck. The countdown begins, as apparently there's some kind of race going on. Adrenaline pumps and you are set to GO! ...and nothing happens. You can move forward all you want, but the developers were too busy laughing at this terrible game they were about to release that they forgot to include any kind of AI. Oh that's OK though, because like many popular games of our time, they released a patch shortly after release to fix this issue. Oh goodie! Now the AI truck actually moves... at about the speed of a cucumber. Yup, after a mere half an hour the truck finally will arrive at the finish line! ...and stop... That's right, you CAN'T POSSIBLY LOSE THIS GAME! But it's not all that bad, because apparently the Soviet developers implemented one of the most advanced physics engines I've seen in a game. If you drive into a house, a tree, or whatever other lazy prop they included, your truck will completely dematerialize and pass through the object. That's right, if there's a bridge in front of you, you will go under the bridge. Which makes me wonder why they didn't name the game Big Rigs: Under The Bridge Racing! So now your state-of-the-art, dematerializing truck, can also go explore the incredibly vast game world *eye roll*. You see, the world is surrounded by mountains. But like I said, this truck is of high-tech Soviet design, so it can easily tackle the 90 degree slopes of these mountains. On the other side is THE VOID! A place so bleak it makes you lose all hope in Humanity; assuming you haven't lost it by playing this game yet. Actually, I'm getting tired of calling it a game, let's instead call it a "Soviet torture device". And though the developers put in a speed cap on your truck, they apparently forgot to put one in reverse. By holding down the reverse key your truck will go infinite speeds in reverse. Once again, these unbelievably innovative developers decided to include a truck that can not only break the sound barrier, but also makes interstellar travel possible.... in reverse. From experience in the transportation industry, I know how much of a concern it is to drivers to have their trucks going reverse at light speed whilst glitching through the floor, and plummeting into the gray abyss of the void. No problem! All you have to do is let go of the reverse key, and there you are, you just instantly stopped. This is revolutionary! Think of all the disasters which could have been averted if an 18 wheeler could stop on a dime! We were doing it wrong all these years! We have to drive in reverse.
So if your brain isn't already dripping out of your ears from reading this, not to worry! Remember how I said you couldn't lose no matter what? Well once you're done your interplanetary travel in reverse, you can cross the finish line! Once you cross the finish line, you receive the greatest honor known to man. It's a trophy, with YOU'RE WINNER written underneath. Well that's nice, maybe that somewhat negates the agonizing pain in my spleen this game caused to me. But let's give it to the devs, not only did they revolutionize physics, but also the English language! I never knew, to this point, that WINNER was an adjective... This changes everything! Better get Charlie Sheen on the phone.
Bob: Hey Greg
Greg: Hey Bob, sure is a WINNER day today.
Bob: Indeed it is Greg, a WINNER day indeed.
But this game really wants to boost your confidence, as sometimes the trophy screen will appear without you doing anything... at all. I'm fairly certain that YOU'RE WINNER is now permanently engraved into my brain, and is probably manifesting into some kind of tumor by this point.
I'm not even going to go into graphics or sound in detail. The graphics looks significantly worse than my pre-kindergarten nephew's finger-painting. Heck, the smiley face I made in the dust on my desk is the Mona Lisa compared to the graphics in this game. Everything looks like a color, it's almost as if I took my glasses off and designed a game map based off of the colors I saw... and not in an artsy indie-game sense. I'm almost having a seizure just thinking of the colorful train-wreck that this game is. And for sound... what sound? All there is in the whole game is the aforementioned song, though what I said about it was an understatement about how bad it actually is. It sounds as though a little kid was whacking his face on a keyboard which produces sounds similar to Donald Duck on helium, possibly while engaging in some kind of not-safe-for-work activity. Now take that, but it onto a techno beat which is so repetitive it turns you into a mindless dancing, drink-buying husk. Basically a club beat, developed by a DJ with a full 3 and a quarter days experience producing music. Now, take those two weapons of inner ear destruction, put them together, and loop them... forever. The music is what plays in the background in Hell while you're spending eternity raking leaves of fire, or whatever you do in Hell. All I can assure you, is that the music is definitely the worst part of it... unless of course you were forced to play this game for the rest of eternity, but even Satan isn't that cruel. Only Chuck Norris, or God himself could endure this for more than half a second before bludgeoning your speakers to death. I mean, it's only a matter of time until your natural self-preservation instinct kicks in. And when it does, there is little you can do to stop yourself from smashing your computer with a hammer until it no longer exists.
So how bad is this game? Well let's just say that being hot glued to a Xylophone sounds like a more entertaining way to spend my time. I would rather be hung up as a human Pinata then play this Soviet torture device. I would rather play E.T. for the rest of eternity, than this. When I die the only thing I'll regret is the short time I had the misfortune to play this. This does not belong near my computer, it belongs in a toilet. I still cry myself to sleep every night while the image of YOU'RE WINNER flashes around in my brain.
And that is why this is the worst Soviet torture device.... erm "game" I have ever played.
tl;dr This emoticon pretty much sums it up
Steam name: Komaniax
EDIT: I'm aware that people have posted the same game as myself, but I hate this game with a passion. And besides, everybody offers their own opinions on it
The worst PC game I have ever played? Well that's an easy one.
The absolute worst game I have ever played, on any console, was Big Rigs: Over the Road Racing. It can't have been that bad can it? Yes, it could. A team of monkeys could have made a game more playable than this. I swear the Russian developers Stellar Stone carefully engineered this game in the Cold War as a secret weapon of mass destruction to incapacitate America's youth, rendering them completely insane. I was lucky, I was discovered three weeks later in fetal position rolling in my own urine after playing this "game" for a mere 20 minutes. This isn't just a game, it's am embodiment of pure evil.
So why is this game so bad? Well to call it a game is a stretch. On the box it shows colorful picture of a truck, obviously being possessed by some kind of speed demon, speeding away from a cop attempting to body slam the truck. AWESOME! Oh wait, it would be, if the box wasn't a steaming pile of LIES. So let's delve into the actual gameplay. Upon starting up the game you are greeted by a menu and some music, which sounds like Donald Duck having some kind of seizure listening to techno music. Go to map selection, and pick one of the five maps. Oh wait, only four maps. the fifth one apparent blows up your computer. I wish that I was fortunate enough to have clicked that map the first time... it would have saved me from the lasting mental scars this game gave me.
Now onto the actual gameplay! You start out in your shoddy truck, next to another shoddy truck. The countdown begins, as apparently there's some kind of race going on. Adrenaline pumps and you are set to GO! ...and nothing happens. You can move forward all you want, but the developers were too busy laughing at this terrible game they were about to release that they forgot to include any kind of AI. Oh that's OK though, because like many popular games of our time, they released a patch shortly after release to fix this issue. Oh goodie! Now the AI truck actually moves... at about the speed of a cucumber. Yup, after a mere half an hour the truck finally will arrive at the finish line! ...and stop... That's right, you CAN'T POSSIBLY LOSE THIS GAME! But it's not all that bad, because apparently the Soviet developers implemented one of the most advanced physics engines I've seen in a game. If you drive into a house, a tree, or whatever other lazy prop they included, your truck will completely dematerialize and pass through the object. That's right, if there's a bridge in front of you, you will go under the bridge. Which makes me wonder why they didn't name the game Big Rigs: Under The Bridge Racing! So now your state-of-the-art, dematerializing truck, can also go explore the incredibly vast game world *eye roll*. You see, the world is surrounded by mountains. But like I said, this truck is of high-tech Soviet design, so it can easily tackle the 90 degree slopes of these mountains. On the other side is THE VOID! A place so bleak it makes you lose all hope in Humanity; assuming you haven't lost it by playing this game yet. Actually, I'm getting tired of calling it a game, let's instead call it a "Soviet torture device". And though the developers put in a speed cap on your truck, they apparently forgot to put one in reverse. By holding down the reverse key your truck will go infinite speeds in reverse. Once again, these unbelievably innovative developers decided to include a truck that can not only break the sound barrier, but also makes interstellar travel possible.... in reverse. From experience in the transportation industry, I know how much of a concern it is to drivers to have their trucks going reverse at light speed whilst glitching through the floor, and plummeting into the gray abyss of the void. No problem! All you have to do is let go of the reverse key, and there you are, you just instantly stopped. This is revolutionary! Think of all the disasters which could have been averted if an 18 wheeler could stop on a dime! We were doing it wrong all these years! We have to drive in reverse.
So if your brain isn't already dripping out of your ears from reading this, not to worry! Remember how I said you couldn't lose no matter what? Well once you're done your interplanetary travel in reverse, you can cross the finish line! Once you cross the finish line, you receive the greatest honor known to man. It's a trophy, with YOU'RE WINNER written underneath. Well that's nice, maybe that somewhat negates the agonizing pain in my spleen this game caused to me. But let's give it to the devs, not only did they revolutionize physics, but also the English language! I never knew, to this point, that WINNER was an adjective... This changes everything! Better get Charlie Sheen on the phone.
Bob: Hey Greg
Greg: Hey Bob, sure is a WINNER day today.
Bob: Indeed it is Greg, a WINNER day indeed.
But this game really wants to boost your confidence, as sometimes the trophy screen will appear without you doing anything... at all. I'm fairly certain that YOU'RE WINNER is now permanently engraved into my brain, and is probably manifesting into some kind of tumor by this point.
I'm not even going to go into graphics or sound in detail. The graphics looks significantly worse than my pre-kindergarten nephew's finger-painting. Heck, the smiley face I made in the dust on my desk is the Mona Lisa compared to the graphics in this game. Everything looks like a color, it's almost as if I took my glasses off and designed a game map based off of the colors I saw... and not in an artsy indie-game sense. I'm almost having a seizure just thinking of the colorful train-wreck that this game is. And for sound... what sound? All there is in the whole game is the aforementioned song, though what I said about it was an understatement about how bad it actually is. It sounds as though a little kid was whacking his face on a keyboard which produces sounds similar to Donald Duck on helium, possibly while engaging in some kind of not-safe-for-work activity. Now take that, but it onto a techno beat which is so repetitive it turns you into a mindless dancing, drink-buying husk. Basically a club beat, developed by a DJ with a full 3 and a quarter days experience producing music. Now, take those two weapons of inner ear destruction, put them together, and loop them... forever. The music is what plays in the background in Hell while you're spending eternity raking leaves of fire, or whatever you do in Hell. All I can assure you, is that the music is definitely the worst part of it... unless of course you were forced to play this game for the rest of eternity, but even Satan isn't that cruel. Only Chuck Norris, or God himself could endure this for more than half a second before bludgeoning your speakers to death. I mean, it's only a matter of time until your natural self-preservation instinct kicks in. And when it does, there is little you can do to stop yourself from smashing your computer with a hammer until it no longer exists.
So how bad is this game? Well let's just say that being hot glued to a Xylophone sounds like a more entertaining way to spend my time. I would rather be hung up as a human Pinata then play this Soviet torture device. I would rather play E.T. for the rest of eternity, than this. When I die the only thing I'll regret is the short time I had the misfortune to play this. This does not belong near my computer, it belongs in a toilet. I still cry myself to sleep every night while the image of YOU'RE WINNER flashes around in my brain.
And that is why this is the worst Soviet torture device.... erm "game" I have ever played.
tl;dr This emoticon pretty much sums it up
Steam name: Komaniax
EDIT: I'm aware that people have posted the same game as myself, but I hate this game with a passion. And besides, everybody offers their own opinions on it
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