On today's episode of "this is just so wrong", the 5GBioShield USB Key: "guaranteed" by its BioShield Distribution manufacturers to protect you from a plethora of harmful frequencies "through a process of quantum oscillation". This USB key has some extra calls to fame, though: not only does it seemingly create a protecting field around you or your "family home", as the company puts it, but it also emits "a large number of life force frequencies favoring a general revitalization of the body." Oh my, the miracles of quantum physics.

BioShield Distribution claims that the 5GBioShield Key "provides protection for your home and family, thanks to the wearable holographic nano-layer catalyser, which can be worn or placed near to a smartphone or any other electrical, radiation or EMF [electromagnetic field] emitting device", whereby "through a process of quantum oscillation, the 5GBioShield USB key balances and re-harmonises the disturbing frequencies arising from the electric fog induced by devices, such as laptops, cordless pho4nes, wi-fi, tablets, et cetera." And get this: these quantum-oscillating-holographic-nano-layer-catalyser-life-force-emitting USB keys are available in a bargain basement-deal of $973 for a pack of three. Oh the temptation!