On today's episode of "this is just so wrong", the 5GBioShield USB Key: "guaranteed" by its BioShield Distribution manufacturers to protect you from a plethora of harmful frequencies "through a process of quantum oscillation". This USB key has some extra calls to fame, though: not only does it seemingly create a protecting field around you or your "family home", as the company puts it, but it also emits "a large number of life force frequencies favoring a general revitalization of the body." Oh my, the miracles of quantum physics.

BioShield Distribution claims that the 5GBioShield Key "provides protection for your home and family, thanks to the wearable holographic nano-layer catalyser, which can be worn or placed near to a smartphone or any other electrical, radiation or EMF [electromagnetic field] emitting device", whereby "through a process of quantum oscillation, the 5GBioShield USB key balances and re-harmonises the disturbing frequencies arising from the electric fog induced by devices, such as laptops, cordless pho4nes, wi-fi, tablets, et cetera." And get this: these quantum-oscillating-holographic-nano-layer-catalyser-life-force-emitting USB keys are available in a bargain basement-deal of $973 for a pack of three. Oh the temptation!Moving on to facts: after getting knowledge of such a revolutionary product, the BBC contracted Pen Test Partners, a company that tests devices for vulnerabilities and does technology teardowns. When taking apart the USB stick, Pen Test Partners found it was virtually identical to "crystal" USB keys available from various suppliers in Shenzhen, China, for around £5 ($6) (you can get them on Aliexpress or Wish). This is a sad result: I was hoping for a quantum de-calibration of our reality and ensuing cosmic collapse.

The company's response, via one of its directors, to the BBC-ordered study was as such:

"We are in possession of a great deal of technical information, with plenty of back-up historical research. As you can understand, we are not authorised to fully disclose all this sensitive information to third parties, for obvious reasons."

- Meaning, they are distributors, not producers.

"In regard to the costs analysis your research has produced, I believe that the lack of in-depth information will not drive you to the exact computation of our expenses and production costs, including the cost of IP [intellectual property rights], and so on."

- Meaning, the teardown can not possible comprehend the workings of their product.

"It is therefore hard to take your evaluation seriously, since you have evidently not researched the background facts in any meaningful way."

- Meaning, you don't understand because you can't dive deep enough into our quantum comprehension.

I originally had an entire paragraph here with my opinion on the product, but I will leave it to you guys in the comment section to dissect this product.